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whose life is it anyway.
Seven secrets of Sanity
By Estelle Cloete
Oh my god I forgot to
choose a life!
So how many lives have you lived
today? Been a mom? A colleague? A boss? A lover? A wife? An
athlete – or tried to be one? Juggling all of the above is the
daily task of many women out there. And the guilt! Guilt at home,
guilt at the office, guilt at the gym, guilt at meals, guilt,
guilt, guilt! And then there are those scary role models in
magazines, in newspapers, on TV. They seem to do everything and
have time to look immaculate! Never mind the thousands of
self-help books that promise us everything if we only follow their
mantra. You are made to feel like a freak if you haven’t gotten
it together by the time you are 30-something. As for those of us
who are in our 40’s, sorry sister it’s too late, that ship has
sailed. Wait around for the glamorous granny competition! The
women’s lib movement seems to have put more pressure on us
rather than reduced it. Now more than ever before the world is
supposed to be our oyster, what with affirmative action, any
number of home appliances, fancy day care alternatives, wonder
bras and botox injections. It’s the age of the superwoman! We
have no more excuses!
You’re not a superwoman?
Well, you’re not alone.
Here are 7 truisms that will
make you feel better and get you off your butt (whatever size it
may be).
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It’s ok to feel like this –
confused, inadequate, pressured, paralysed with fear /
indecision. It happens to the best of us. You’ll be
surprised how many women out there, and men, are grappling
with the same issues of juggling careers, kids, relationships,
hobbies, finding yourself, your destiny. None of these seem to
be integrated or remotely connected at all.
-
Welcome to the real, complex world.
Nothing is as simple as it appears, no matter what those
self-help books may say! Everyone has a different experience
and a complex set of circumstances. Every decision we make
comes with a price, it might be cheap or it might not. The
bottom line is that whatever it is you want is not going to
come looking for you, you’ve gotta go and find it. What
works for others is not necessarily right for you.
-
Tell someone who cares. In this age of
the superwoman we have learned to hide our anxieties very
well. Given half the chance to confess, you’ll soon find out
that many out there feel like you do. Find time to share your
experiences with friends, significant others, someone who has
an empathetic ear. Be someone who cares!
-
Don’t be a victim. We do have choices
and as much as it is important to understand from whence our
anxieties/issues emanate, we can’t wallow in the past
forever. So acknowledge that yes, your parents ruined the pure
being that was you but hey they didn’t know any better. And
yes, the system handed you a bum deal so what are you going to
do about it? You can change who you are and you can
turn adversity into opportunities – yes all those messages
from the same self-help books!
-
Find that inner child. Let your hair
down occasionally without restraint. It’s good to misbehave
– within limits and in appropriate circumstances!!!
-
Explore who you really are. Why are we
so afraid of being who we really are? Instead we invest heaps
of time and energy in being ‘all things to all men’ (oops
Freudian slip) and then we’re surprised when we don’t know
who the person is inside. Cut the crap and try and be true to
whoever it is you discover lives inside you.
-
Life is a journey. It’s all right to
be or want different things at different times. As you are
exposed to new and different experiences, situations,
environments and ideas, you will change and that’s ok. You
might even rethink your value system, your beliefs, and
that’s ok too.
So let’s stop beating
ourselves up and just enjoy this journey of discovery of what it
means to be a woman in this new millennium.
Aluta
continua (the struggle continues)
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